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Fic: They Who Say Nothing Will Change Are Dirty Liars (FOB, MCR, Bob/Patrick, G)
Fic: They Who Say Nothing Will Change Are Dirty Liars
Author: Emmuzka
Genre and pairing: FOB, MCR, Bob/Patrick
Raiting: G
Warnings: Mpreg
Disclaimer: Not true in any way.
Summary: Both of them, Pete thinks, were abducted by aliens and replaced with pod people.
Both of them, Pete thinks, were abducted by aliens and replaced with pod people. Or they got personality replacements inserted or something, because they were not normal. Gerard almost got banned from their house after he refused to help with painting their nursery to baby blue and Pepto Bismol pink. Bob forbade Patrick from visiting Joe or Mikey, and almost banned Joe and Mikey from visiting Patrick, because somehow cat poo was supposed to dangerous to pregnant people. And Patrick? Patrick just went along with it. He shuffled around their house in his pajamas humming Shiny Happy People and was a ball of yarn away from knitting baby blankets.
“Could you call off your attack dog?”
“My what?” Patrick was used to Pete’s odd starts in their phone conversations, but this might have been a little bit more confusing than normally.
“Your attack dog. Big, blond, goes in two legs, responses to the name Bob?”
“Dude.” Patrick sounded... Happy. And content, and shit.
“Brian called me. The MyChem guys are really worried over Bob, but he doesn’t listen to them, or Brian.”
“Pete, there is nothing wrong with him. We’re fine.”
“Fine? Bob is going all alpha male survivalist on you. You don’t think that’s a bit weird?”
“No, not really.” Not even a hint of irritation in his voice. “How so?”
“Patrick, Bob put your dogs in obedience school. Like, the one that looks more like an attack dog school to me. You really need Penny to know to go straight to the jugular? He installed a super security system to your house and ordered enough preserved food to last a hundred-year plague!”
“Yes?”
“He bought a whole deer carcass and learned to butcher it! He put a private investigator to check the backgrounds of all who applied for your nanny job, and all of your neighbors! If Brian wouldn’t have stopped him, he would have sent pre-emptive threats to all the gossip blogs about publishing the future stalkerazzi pictures of your spawn! Wouldn’t you say that’s a bit excessive? You are having twins, not the next baby Jesus!”
“I know, I know. It’s just his way to cope.”
“Well, you better talk with him before he starts digging a bomb shelter in your backyard or makes a drug test a mandatory procedure for entering your house.“
“Okay, I’ll do that." Oh, still the very picture of congeniality. "You doing anything right now? I could come to visit.”
When had they just hung out together the last time, anyway? “Hey, you know you are always welcome. I’ll call a pizza.”
“No-.”
“No onions, no beans, no garlic, no blue cheese, no peppers, no shrimps and no unpasteurized anything, only half the amount of cheese and hold the oregano,” Pete rattled out from memory. “And no beer for me because if you can’t have one, I can’t have one.”
“Yeah.” That came a little sheepish. At least he had more personality settings than the “content” one.
“You okay to drive?”
“Of course.”
“Bob lets you drive?”
“Of course!”
That came irritated, so score! Mission accomplished with the personality transplant, at least for Patrick’s part. The MyChem dudes would just have to draw straws on who would get Bob.
“Just, remember to go to the toilet before you leave, you know how it is in these days!” Pete almost shouted the last words and cheerfully slammed the phone on Patrick’s ear. Mission accomplished.
Author: Emmuzka
Genre and pairing: FOB, MCR, Bob/Patrick
Raiting: G
Warnings: Mpreg
Disclaimer: Not true in any way.
Summary: Both of them, Pete thinks, were abducted by aliens and replaced with pod people.
Both of them, Pete thinks, were abducted by aliens and replaced with pod people. Or they got personality replacements inserted or something, because they were not normal. Gerard almost got banned from their house after he refused to help with painting their nursery to baby blue and Pepto Bismol pink. Bob forbade Patrick from visiting Joe or Mikey, and almost banned Joe and Mikey from visiting Patrick, because somehow cat poo was supposed to dangerous to pregnant people. And Patrick? Patrick just went along with it. He shuffled around their house in his pajamas humming Shiny Happy People and was a ball of yarn away from knitting baby blankets.
“Could you call off your attack dog?”
“My what?” Patrick was used to Pete’s odd starts in their phone conversations, but this might have been a little bit more confusing than normally.
“Your attack dog. Big, blond, goes in two legs, responses to the name Bob?”
“Dude.” Patrick sounded... Happy. And content, and shit.
“Brian called me. The MyChem guys are really worried over Bob, but he doesn’t listen to them, or Brian.”
“Pete, there is nothing wrong with him. We’re fine.”
“Fine? Bob is going all alpha male survivalist on you. You don’t think that’s a bit weird?”
“No, not really.” Not even a hint of irritation in his voice. “How so?”
“Patrick, Bob put your dogs in obedience school. Like, the one that looks more like an attack dog school to me. You really need Penny to know to go straight to the jugular? He installed a super security system to your house and ordered enough preserved food to last a hundred-year plague!”
“Yes?”
“He bought a whole deer carcass and learned to butcher it! He put a private investigator to check the backgrounds of all who applied for your nanny job, and all of your neighbors! If Brian wouldn’t have stopped him, he would have sent pre-emptive threats to all the gossip blogs about publishing the future stalkerazzi pictures of your spawn! Wouldn’t you say that’s a bit excessive? You are having twins, not the next baby Jesus!”
“I know, I know. It’s just his way to cope.”
“Well, you better talk with him before he starts digging a bomb shelter in your backyard or makes a drug test a mandatory procedure for entering your house.“
“Okay, I’ll do that." Oh, still the very picture of congeniality. "You doing anything right now? I could come to visit.”
When had they just hung out together the last time, anyway? “Hey, you know you are always welcome. I’ll call a pizza.”
“No-.”
“No onions, no beans, no garlic, no blue cheese, no peppers, no shrimps and no unpasteurized anything, only half the amount of cheese and hold the oregano,” Pete rattled out from memory. “And no beer for me because if you can’t have one, I can’t have one.”
“Yeah.” That came a little sheepish. At least he had more personality settings than the “content” one.
“You okay to drive?”
“Of course.”
“Bob lets you drive?”
“Of course!”
That came irritated, so score! Mission accomplished with the personality transplant, at least for Patrick’s part. The MyChem dudes would just have to draw straws on who would get Bob.
“Just, remember to go to the toilet before you leave, you know how it is in these days!” Pete almost shouted the last words and cheerfully slammed the phone on Patrick’s ear. Mission accomplished.